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Tuesday, 8 March 2022

Satire: Mr Russ and the House Nextdoor



Mr Russ owned a very big house at the end of The Street. The house, number 25, was surrounded by  very large and beautiful landscaped gardens. At one corner, facing The Street, Mr Russ's family owned a petrol station. 

All the neighbours in the street were happy to have the petrol station there because it was very convenient for them.

The other houses in the street were much smaller with very small gardens to the front and back.

One day, Mr Russ's immediate neighbour at number 23, woke up to find Mr Russ's contractors were taking down the fence between his back garden and Mr Russ's land.

"What are you doing?" called out the man at 23.

"Oh, nothing to worry about, we're just making some improvements," came the reply. 

The contractors put up a stronger fence between 23 and 21. Then Mr Russ's men built some kennels in 23's back garden, trampling all over 23's vegetable patch.

"What are those kennels for?" asked the man at 23. And then he saw two dog handlers, each bringing 3 fierce looking dogs. They were being chained to long stakes, being placed beside the kennels.

"These improvements are for your security. They will be good for your safety," replied Mr Russ's contractors.

The man at 23 didn't feel safer. But also, he didn't know how he could get rid of those fierce looking dogs.

As the days went by, none of the other neighbours seemed to notice much, although the neighbours at 21 were suspicious, and grew anxious about the yapping and snarling noises coming from 23's backyard.

A few months later, first one, then two big black cars started parking on The Street, right outside number 23. They belonged to two of the sons of Mr Russ. 

"I don't like them being there," said the lady at 23.
"I don't like them being there," said the man at 23. He phoned Mr Russ in his big house and asked him if he could do something about the situation. Mr Russ said he'd see what he could do.

A week later, Mr Russ's sons were seen sitting in their big black cars staring through binoculars at the windows of number 23.

"That's not right" said the man at 23.
"Not right at all," said the lady at 23.

The troubled people at number 23 closed their curtains. 

A month or so went by. The other neighbours in The Street had got used to the big black cars parking there. It niggled one or two that Mr Russ's family had all that land and yet still parked some cars in The Street, but by and large, nobody complained directly to Mr Russ.

A few weeks later, the lady at 23 went out of her front door to go shopping. Where once there had been a path leading down to the footpath with grass on either side of the path, today seemed different. Today there was a new fence on one side of the path, and one of Mr Russ's teenagers was just parking his big black car on her grass.

"Why have you parked on my grass?" asked the lady at 23.

"Your grass?" asked the teenager, "Have you not seen the fence?"

The lady at 23 went to tell the man at 23. The man at 23 rushed out and started to tear away at the fence. The teenager still had his big black car there. He didn't move it.

Hearing the commotion, the man at 21 came out, too. "If you don't move your big black car from 23's garden, I won't drive past your father's big house and admire his beautiful large landscaped gardens, anymore" he protested.

Mr Chop, from 17, was passing by and noticed what was going on. "I'm on my way to my butcher's shop. Tell your father he can't shop with me until you have moved your big black car from 23's garden."

The man at 23 went indoors. The lady at 23 went on with her shopping and returned home. 

The second son parked his big black car on the other side of 23's path.

Now, the rest of The Street were finally waking up to what was going on. 

The neighbours all had a meeting to come up with ideas about what they could do. Mr Postie, at 19, said he would no longer deliver post to Mr Russ. Mr Flappy, at 15, said he wouldn't deliver junk mail to Mr Russ. Mr Cream, at 13, said he wouldn't deliver milk to Mr Russ. Mrs Childminder at number 11 suggested that they shouldn't let their children play with Mr Russ's children, even if some of them were disabled. What more could they all do, to make Mr Russ and his family behave nicely?

Meanwhile, Mr Russ's teenagers began throwing stones at number 23's windows. 

One idea from all the neighbours was that they could all stop buying at Mr Russ's petrol station, but number 3 said he worked there and that might affect number 3's income. Mr Cream didn't want anyone to throw stones back as he was worried that his bottles might get broken. 

The people at 23 were under seige. The man at 23 had a bruise on his head from a stone hitting him as he had sat down to read his newspaper. He rang Mr Russ and asked him to please stop his boys throwing stones. Mr Russ said he'd see what he could do.

The stones didn't stop coming. The lady at 23 tried to go out to go shopping but stones hammered on the front door. 

The man at 23 rang Mr Russ to ask for a safe way to get out. Mr Russ said they could go out through their back door, through the garden where the 6 fierce dogs were playing, and come through Mr Russ's garden.

... to be continued?

Many years passed by.
Mr Russ now owned land where there had been houses at Numbers 1 to 23. And now he was eyeing up the prospect of land on the other side of The Street.