ME: I had a call from a long-distance-sounding person this morning (you know what I want to say but I don't want to be challenged for racial stereo-typing).
HIM: I am from the Windows servicing company and he was going to sort out my computer problem.
ME: I don't have a computer, I said.
HIM:Oh, I understand, maybe you have an Apple?
ME: Yes, and a banana or two in the fruit dish.
HIM: Well, do not worry, we are the Apple servicing company.
ME:You said you were Windows. Make your mind up.
HIM: We do it all , Sir.
ME: What is the name of your company?
HIM: Yes. We are technical company for Apple.
ME: Oh good, I said, because when I rang you yesterday you said you were coming round to fix it. What time are you coming round?
HIM: That is all right Sir, we are going to fix it now.
ME: I could drive it round to you this morning.
HIM: We are fixing the problem.
ME: Oh. okay. Are you driving round this morning or this afternoon?
HIM: We are fixing it now. But first I need your card details.
ME: What card details?
HIM: In order to get the servicing details You need to pay us ninety pounds.
ME: Are you sure you're aware of my computer problem? It won't switch on.
HIM: Our technical servicing will be coming on now to fix it, but in order to get the service we need the card details.
ME: Ok, hold on. I will have to go and find my cards. Can you call back in ten minutes?
HIM: No problem, we will wait. We will stay on the line.
ME: ... left him waiting awhile.
Gave him false numbers, for the card, several times.
A technical guy came on the phone, asking me what I could see on the screen. It's all black, I said. The problem is I can't switch it on.
HIM: Don't worry, we will fix it now, he said. Can you see the cursor?
ME: No it's black, I can't see a cursor.
Well this nonsense went on awhile.
The first man came on again wanting to recheck my card numbers. More pallava over the fictitious sequence of numbers.
Then he wanted my date of birth.
ME: Why do you need my date of birth?
HIM: Because I am telling you all the servicing details that will be coming to you for the paperwork need to have your name and details on.
ME: I asked him for his date of birth.
HIM: Why do you want that?
ME: Well, it's only fair, if I tell you mine. Do you think you might fancy me or something?
HIM: Can you give me your card numbers again?
ME: Let's talk about the weather. Do you have a nice view, today?
HIM: It's very sunny.
ME: Oh right. Are you in New York?
HIM: It is a very nice day. Do you have your card numbers?
ME: You're just chatting me up. You do fancy me, don't you? Do you have a girlfriend at all or is it just men you like to chat with?
HIM: err...
ME: What time is Delhi time now?
HIM: I will be leaving soon. When we have fixed your computer.
ME: Oh right. Do you think if I put the plug in it might come on?
HIM: I see.
ME: Well, you're leaving soon. Perhaps you could buy an ice cream and have a good old lick?
HIM: I am not wanting a lick, I am wanting your credit card number...
... This could have gone all day, I suppose, but eventually I told him to get a life and hung up.
People who work to expose scammers are called scam baiters. Over 95 per cent of global scam calls originate from India. Specifically they spawn from in and around Kolkata and New Delhi.
