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Monday, 11 August 2025

Never Plant Trees...






Never plant trees near houses. It will put up your home's insurance. 

They may be toppled and may cause damage.

They may drop seedlings into your garden which you will be forever pulling out. 

You may find trees growing closer to your building if you do not keep on top of seedling pulling.

You may find roots undermining your foundations.

You may find berries dropping onto the footpath making a horrible slippery mess. 

You may find the birds like to park themsleves on a branch overhanging where you park your car. And we all know birds drop do-doos.

You may find an annual deluge of leaves filling up the gutter in the road and possibly blocking the drains, leading to flooding.

You may find that your property guttering is getting clogged up with leaves and in need of clearing more often.

You may find it necessary to pay for green bin collection because of all the leaves that you will have to collect from your front garden.

By all means, plant trees. In copses. In woods. In forests.

All trees need maintenance especially in urban areas. Councils never have the funds available for that. It normally has to come from funds earmarked for other purposes. And that creates political tussles.

Trust me. I was a councillor in a ward that suffered, and continues to suffer, and will forever suffer, from overgrown trees and not so overgrown trees once planted by well meaning people who had no idea of the potential consequences that would accumulate over future years.




Saturday, 19 July 2025

The Story of Toilet Paper

Before toilet paper, people used various materials for personal hygiene, depending on the culture and time period. Some examples include:

- *Leaves*: Large leaves or specific plants like mullein or dock leaves were used in various cultures.
- *Cloth*: Rags, old clothing, or cloths were commonly used, often washed and reused.
- *Water and hands*: In some cultures, people used water and their hands to clean themselves, sometimes with the assistance of a vessel or stream.
- *Sponges on sticks*: Ancient Romans used a sponge on a stick, known as a "spongia," which was shared among users and washed in a vinegar solution.
- *Natural materials*: Grass, hay, straw, or other plant material were used in various settings.
- *Paper products*: Newspaper, magazines, or other paper materials were used in more modern times.

The use of these materials varied across cultures and social classes, and personal hygiene practices were often influenced by available resources, social norms, and economic conditions.

The development and widespread use of toilet paper as we know it today is a relatively recent phenomenon, dating back to the late 19th century.


Before the widespread use of commercial toilet paper like Izal, people employed various materials for personal hygiene. Some examples include [1][3]:
- *Leaves, grass, and other plant material*: In many cultures, people used natural materials like leaves, grass, or straw for personal hygiene.
- *Cloth*: Rags, old clothing, or cloths were commonly used, often washed and reused.
- *Newspaper and magazines*: In some countries, people used newspaper, magazines, or other paper products for personal hygiene.
- *Water and hands*: In some cultures, people used water and their hands to clean themselves, sometimes with the assistance of a vessel or stream.

Different countries had unique approaches to personal hygiene:
- *Ancient Rome*: Used a sponge on a stick (spongia) shared among users and washed in a vinegar solution.
- *Japan*: Used washi paper, a type of traditional Japanese paper, or practiced bidet-style cleansing with water.
- *India*: Used water and the left hand, with the right hand reserved for eating and other activities.
- *China*: Used paper, including mulberry bark paper, or practiced water-based cleansing.
- *Middle East and North Africa*: Used water and the left hand, with an emphasis on cleanliness and hygiene in Islamic traditions.

The development and use of commercial toilet paper varied across countries and cultures. Some notable examples include [2]:
- *China*: Toilet paper was first used in the 6th century BC, with records of large quantities being produced during the Ming dynasty (14th-17th centuries).
- *United States*: Commercial toilet paper was introduced in the late 19th century, with companies like Scott and Kimberly-Clark popularizing its use.
- *Japan*: Modern toilet paper was introduced in the late 19th century, with Japanese companies developing advanced toilet technologies, including bidets and washlets.

The history of toilet paper reflects the complex interplay between cultural, social, and economic factors, with different countries and regions developing unique approaches to personal hygiene [1][2][3].

Izal toilet paper has a rich history dating back to the early 20th century. Here's a brief overview ¹ ²:
- *Introduction*: Izal medicated toilet tissue was first introduced in 1922, initially used in hospitals, schools, and public conveniences before being made available to the general public.
- *Manufacturer*: The product was manufactured by Newton, Chambers & Co., a company based in Sheffield, England, which had been extracting coal and ironstone from Thorncliffe Valley since 1793.
- *Unique Features*: Izal toilet paper was known for its rough texture on one side and shiny, waterproof disinfectant coating on the other. It had a distinct medicinal smell and was marketed as a product that could help prevent the spread of diseases.
- *Popularity*: Despite its harsh texture, Izal toilet paper gained popularity, with the company using notable cartoonists like W. Heath Robinson to promote their products. During World War II, Izal even produced toilet paper featuring cartoons of Adolf Hitler, which were popular among customers but not well-received by the government.
- *Decline and Discontinuation*: Izal ceased production of its medicated toilet paper in 2010 after being sold to Jeyes in 1986. Today, vintage rolls of Izal toilet paper can be found on online marketplaces like eBay.

Izal's history reflects changing attitudes toward hygiene and toilet paper in the UK. The company's innovative marketing strategies and product design made it a household name, even if its products weren't always the most comfortable or popular choice among consumers ¹ ³.

The development of soft toilet paper is attributed to the Northern Tissue Company in the United States. In 1935, the Northern Tissue Company introduced a new type of toilet paper called "Quilted Northern," which was softer and more absorbent than earlier products.

However, the innovation that really popularized soft toilet paper was the introduction of rolled toilet paper with a quilted design by the Kimberly-Clark company. Their product, called "Cottonelle," was introduced in the 1970s and featured a quilted pattern that helped to increase the paper's strength and softness.

The use of soft toilet paper became more widespread in the latter half of the 20th century, with many companies developing their own versions of soft, quilted toilet paper. Today, soft toilet paper is a standard feature in many parts of the world, with various brands and products offering different levels of softness and absorbency [3][1].

While quilted toilet paper is widely used in many Western countries, its adoption varies globally. Some countries where quilted toilet paper may not be as widely used include:
- *Japan*: Japan is known for its advanced toilet technology, including bidets and washlets. Many Japanese toilets use water for cleansing, and toilet paper is often used for drying rather than cleaning.
- *Some European countries*: In some European countries, like France and Italy, bidets are common, and toilet paper may be used in conjunction with water for personal hygiene.
- *Middle Eastern and North African countries*: In many countries in these regions, water is used for personal hygiene, often in conjunction with the left hand. Toilet paper may be used for drying or in specific situations.
- *Some Asian countries*: In some Asian countries, like India and Indonesia, toilet paper may not be as widely used, and alternative methods like water and hands or bidets may be more common.
- *Rural or developing areas*: In some rural or developing areas, toilet paper may not be widely available or used, and alternative materials like leaves, grass, or water may be more common.

It's worth noting that the use of toilet paper and other hygiene practices can vary significantly within countries, depending on factors like urban vs. rural settings, cultural background, and socioeconomic status [1].

References:

1. *Wikipedia*: Wikipedia's article on toilet paper provides a comprehensive overview of its history, types, and cultural differences in use. It covers topics like the origins of toilet paper in ancient China, its development in the Western world, and modern toilet paper products.
2. *The Spruce*: The Spruce has articles on household and lifestyle topics, including toilet paper history and types. Their content provides insights into the evolution of toilet paper and its impact on daily life.
3. *Smithsonian Magazine*: Smithsonian Magazine features articles on the history of toilet paper and its impact on society. These articles offer a deeper understanding of the cultural and historical context of toilet paper use.
4. *Historical accounts*: Various online sources and books detail the development and use of toilet paper in different cultures and time periods. These accounts help provide a broader understanding of toilet paper's history and cultural significance.
5. *Company websites*: Websites of toilet paper manufacturers like Kimberly-Clark and Procter & Gamble provide information on their products, history, and innovations in toilet paper technology.




Saturday, 1 March 2025

British Coin Designers


On a £1 coin, you'll find the initials:

- "JC" - referring to Ian Rank-Broadley's portrait of the Queen on the obverse (heads) side, but actually referring to the designer of the Royal Shield, Jeremy Clark,  on the 2008-2016 standard £1 coin,

- "DP" - referring to the designer of the bridge series of £1 coins, David Pearce.


Here are some designer initials you can find on UK coinage:

# Circulating Coins
1. *IRB* - Ian Rank-Broadley (Queen's portrait on coins from 1998-2015)
2. *JC* - Jeremy Clark (Royal Shield design on £1 coins, 2008-2016)
3. *DP* - David Pearce (Bridge series on £1 coins, 2010-2016)
4. *JG* - Jody Clark (Queen's portrait on coins from 2015-present)
5. *RH* - Robert Hunt (various coin designs)

# Commemorative Coins
1. *EM* - Emma Noble (various commemorative coin designs)
2. *NR* - Norman Reeves (various commemorative coin designs)
3. *MW* - Matthew Dent (various commemorative coin designs)
4. *ST* - Stuart Devlin (various commemorative coin designs)

Please note that this is not an exhaustive list, and there may be other designer initials on UK coinage.



Saturday, 11 January 2025

President Trump Linked with The Boring Company


Elon Musk
is a real person. He is a well-known entrepreneur, business magnate, and engineer, known for founding and leading companies like Tesla, SpaceX, Neuralink, and The Boring Company. 

Elon Musk's relationship with Donald Trump began to evolve significantly around November 2022. This was when Musk started publicly supporting Trump, although they had interacted professionally before, such as when Musk was part of Trump's advisory board in 2016. However, the shift towards a more supportive stance from Musk towards Trump became more pronounced in the run-up to the 2024 presidential election.

Based on various analyses, Donald Trump has been noted for making false or misleading claims long before his presidency. His history of lying has been documented extensively, with significant attention given to his statements since he announced his candidacy for president in 2015. During his presidency from 2017 to 2021, fact-checkers like The Washington Post documented 30,573 false or misleading claims, averaging about 21 per day. This indicates a long-standing pattern of dishonesty, with the frequency of his false claims increasing over time, particularly around significant events like elections. Posts found on X also suggest that this behaviour has been observed for decades, with increased public scrutiny since his 2016 presidential run. 

The Wealthiest Man in The World

As of January 1, 2025, according to Forbes, Elon Musk's net worth is estimated at $421.2 billion, making him the richest man in the world largely due to his stakes in companies.

Musk's entrepreneurial journey began with Zip2 (a company that developed and provided online city guide software for newspapers in pre-GPS satellite days), which was sold to Compaq for $307 million in 1999, and PayPal, which was sold to eBay for $1.5 billion in 2002. These sales provided him with significant capital to invest in his later ventures like Tesla and SpaceX.

Musk owns about 13% of Tesla who's stock price has seen substantial increases over the years, particularly after events like the 2024 United States presidential election, making Musk's stake extremely valuable.

Musk founded SpaceX in 2002, and it has grown to become a leading aerospace manufacturer and space transport services company. As of December 2024, SpaceX was valued at $350 billion, with Musk owning approximately 42% of the company.

Musk acquired Twitter in 2022 for $44 billion and renamed it X Corp. Although its value has decreased since the acquisition, it still forms part of his wealth.

Musk founded xAI in 2023, and private investors valued it at $50 billion in November 2024, with Musk owning an estimated 54% of the company. This focuses on artificial intelligence (AI) with the goal to "understand the true nature of the universe." 
xAI has developed Grok: An AI chatbot, PromptIDE: designed to help with the development and refinement of AI models, Aurora, A text-to-image model, and Colossus: The world's largest supercomputer.

Musk has also invested in other companies like SolarCity, which Tesla later acquired, and has stakes in companies like Neuralink* and The Boring Company**

Overall, Musk's wealth is largely due to his strategic investments in innovative technology sectors, particularly in electric vehicles, space exploration, and artificial intelligence. His ability to envision and execute on high-risk, high-reward ventures has been key to his financial success.

Taxation

Based on various reports and analyses, it appears that Elon Musk, like many billionaires, utilizes tax strategies that allow him to minimize his tax liability. Here are some points to consider:

Musk is often compensated with stock options rather than a traditional salary from Tesla. He can borrow against these assets rather than selling them, which avoids immediate taxation on unrealized gains. This strategy, known as "buy, borrow, die," allows him to use the value of his assets without triggering tax events until he decides to sell or upon his death, where estate taxes might apply instead of income taxes.

Reports have highlighted that Musk's effective tax rate is significantly lower than that of average Americans. For instance, over a five-year period, his "true tax rate" was reported to be just 3.27%, compared to the average American household's tax rate.

Tesla has also employed strategies to minimize corporate taxes. For example, in 2021, Tesla reported that its U.S. operations lost money, thus avoiding federal taxes, while its profits were shown to come from overseas operations. This is often achieved through tax credits and losses carried forward from previous years.

Posts on X reflect public sentiment, with some users expressing frustration over Musk's low tax rate compared to average citizens, suggesting he avoids paying his fair share. Others mention his significant tax payment in 2021 due to exercising stock options, which was one of the largest on record, but this is seen as an exception rather than the norm.

While Musk's tax strategies are legal, they highlight disparities in how tax laws can benefit the ultra-wealthy differently than the average taxpayer. Musk has publicly stated that he does not use offshore accounts or tax shelters, and his tax situation is transparent due to his stock ownership and options. However, the complexity of tax laws allows for significant tax minimization strategies. 

So, while Elon Musk does pay some taxes, the overall narrative suggests he employs strategies to avoid paying taxes at rates comparable to what middle-class individuals pay. 

Home

Elon Musk currently resides in a modest $50,000 home near SpaceX's Starbase facility in Boca Chica, Texas. This choice reflects his decision to simplify his living situation to focus more on his companies' missions. Musk sold most of his properties in California, including several mansions in the Los Angeles area, after declaring in 2020 that he would sell almost all his physical possessions. While he maintains ties to California for Tesla-related business, his primary residence is in Texas. Posts found on X also confirm that Musk lives in this simple home in South Texas, emphasizing his minimalistic lifestyle choice.

Neuralink


*Neuralink is a company that Elon Musk has around 9% share of. Neuralink, was co-founded by Elon Musk and is focused on developing advanced brain-computer interface (BCI) technology. Here’s an overview of what Neuralink does:

Brain-Computer Interface (BCI): Neuralink aims to create BCIs that can be implanted in the human brain to facilitate direct communication between the brain and computers or other electronic devices. This technology could potentially allow for the control of external devices through thought alone.

Medical Applications: One of the primary goals is to help individuals with neurological conditions or injuries. For instance, Neuralink's technology could assist people with paralysis by allowing them to control computers or robotic limbs with their brain signals, thereby restoring some level of independence.

Enhancement of Human Capabilities: Beyond medical applications, Neuralink explores the enhancement of human cognitive abilities. Musk has discussed ideas like increasing memory capacity, speeding up thought processes, or even merging human intelligence with artificial intelligence to prevent humans from being left behind in the AI advancement.

Current Progress: As of the latest updates, Neuralink has conducted successful experiments with animals, notably showing a monkey playing video games using only its brain signals through Neuralink's interface. They are also working towards human clinical trials, with the aim of getting FDA approval.

Technology: The technology involves tiny, flexible electrodes known as "threads" that are inserted into the brain. These threads are connected to a chip that is implanted in the skull, which communicates wirelessly with external devices. This setup is designed to be minimally invasive and to integrate seamlessly with brain tissue.

Ethical and Societal Implications: Neuralink's work brings up significant ethical questions regarding privacy, consent, enhancement versus therapy, and the long-term effects on society. Discussions around these topics are ongoing, reflecting on how such technology might change human identity, autonomy, and the societal structure.

Public Engagement: Elon Musk often shares updates and insights about Neuralink through social media, which helps in keeping the public engaged and informed. However, like with many of Musk's ventures, there's a mix of excitement and skepticism about the practical realization and ethical management of this technology.

Neuralink represents a frontier in neurotechnology, aiming to bridge the gap between human cognition and digital technology with potential revolutionary impacts on health, human enhancement, and the future of AI-human interaction.

**The Boring Company


**The Boring Company, founded by Elon Musk in 2016, aims to solve the problem of "soul-destroying traffic" by creating an underground transportation network. Initially, it was a subsidiary of SpaceX but became a separate entity in 2018. Here are some key points about the company:

Mission: The primary goal is to construct safe, fast-to-dig, and low-cost transportation, utility, and freight tunnels to alleviate urban congestion. Musk's vision involves creating a 3D tunnel network that can transport vehicles at high speeds underground, thereby reducing the need for above-ground road expansion.

Projects: The company has completed several projects, including a test tunnel in Hawthorne, California, and the Las Vegas Convention Center (LVCC) Loop, which is a three-station transportation system with 1.7 miles of tunnels. They are also working on expanding the system in Las Vegas to connect various parts of the city, including the airport and major resorts. Plans for tunnels in other cities like Miami and Fort Lauderdale have been proposed.

Innovation: The Boring Company has developed its own tunneling technology, including machines like Godot and Prufrock, which are designed to speed up the tunneling process and make it more cost-effective. Musk has mentioned that these machines can start tunneling within 48 hours of arriving at a site, which is significantly faster than traditional methods.

Funding and Valuation: The company has raised significant funds, with a notable $675 million in a Series C funding round in 2022, valuing it at nearly $5.7 billion. Elon Musk has been a major investor, initially funding the company himself and through sales of quirky merchandise like the "Not-a-Flamethrower."

Public Perception: There's a mix of views on the company. Some see it as a revolutionary some are skeptical, viewing it as an inefficient vanity project or questioning its environmental impact and safety regulations.

Future Plans: Musk has ambitious visions for the company, including expanding tunnel networks globally and potentially reaching a $1 trillion market cap by 2030. However, the feasibility and public acceptance of these plans remain subjects of debate.

Elon Musk's involvement with The Boring Company is significant as he is not only the founder but also deeply involved in its operations, often tweeting about its progress and ideas. His entrepreneurial approach has led to the company's unique strategies for funding and public engagement, like selling branded merchandise to finance operations. 

*** The "42" image above was created by AI Discoverer as an interpretation of what Grok might look like. The information above was supplied by Grok 2 on 11/01/2025.



Tuesday, 9 July 2024

Thoughts on Proportional Representation

I think a lot of the work an MP does is to do with individual cases where a person has a problem/ issue with a governmental process. Just as a house conveyancer doesn't need to live in the same town as you, neither does an MP. I emailed Selous and my current MP with various concerns and they've emailed responses. So, if there are a group of MPs for a region, under PR, then I would envision a range of specialist skills being offered by them and a constituent being directed to a particular MP, regardless of Party, to tackle those personal concerns.

The next major thing the MPs do is to do with running the country, introducing new laws, and tweaking older rules. All the MPs for a regíon, well all MPs, would be fair game to be lobbied about those.

The third area, has to do with local issues. And while there are many who think that's important this is where I have a slight problem. Would the regional MPs meet to carve up towns between themselves to adopt so they become area champions, or would some areas be left almost 'unserved'? Would they form a regional committee to meet with Town and/or County/UA councillors to thrash out priorities?

I'll leave it there for now.




Friday, 24 May 2024

Memories of COOLI


Leaving Dacorum College in 1974, I spent the summer working in Skegness on Butlins bars, and then returned to Hemel Hempstead where I had no idea how I wanted to earn a living. After filling in various applications, a week followed where I had interviews with Eastern Electricity, British Gas, RAF, and Shell Mex and BP Marketing. I was offered three jobs and had been put off the RAF. I took the oil company route as, with shift allowance it meant significantly more money, plus working on big computers seemed very future-proof. 

The company's office building used to straddle Marlowes in Hemel Hempstead. It's long since been demolished, partly through fears that tiles were falling off it onto traffic, and partly to make way for a bigger shopping offer at the southern end of Marlowes. 

SM and BP Marketing soon morphed into two separate companies with the Shell people moving to Wythenshawe, and the BP people remaining in Hemel. That's the background. Today I wanted to focus on COOLI.

In my early days at BP Oil Ltd  computer operations department per shift there were 6 people in the office area  (offline) and by the time I'd finished some 20 years later this had been taken over by COOLI (Computerised Offline System) run by one person.

 There was another 5 or 6 people running the computer tasks (online), that's 2 to load the tapes onto the decks, 1 or 2 to sit at a console and decide which jobs to run, a team leader and a deputy team leader to stand around and make sure everything ran smoothly. That's assuming no one was on annual leave, taking a tea (or beer) break or having lunch. 20 years later, at least on my shift, nearly the same workload was being done by one person assisted by the COOLI person now and then. 

All this through efficiency, and gradually improved programming which meant the jobs didn't error out during processing. 

Reflecting on COOLI, this was an area I particularly focussed on. One of the prime reasons jobs failed to process was that they had the wrong file versions going into the next sequential job. This was sometimes down to the console operator not knowing the correct order to run things in, or more often this was down to the order in which COOLI jobs were compiled in the first place. Over several weeks I took it on myself to check through paper records of the previous shift's work to understand why any jobs had errored out. I then made changes to COOLI so the jobs wouldn't fail next time.

I regarded it a major success when, one particular month end as the most complicated totality of jobs were normally processed, nothing errored out at all. A triumph, indeed!




Saturday, 4 May 2024

To Remove Graffiti


To remove graffiti, you can follow these general steps:

1. Act quickly: The sooner you address graffiti, the easier it is to remove it. Prompt action can prevent the paint from penetrating deeper into the surface, making removal easier.

2. Safety first: Ensure that you are wearing appropriate protective gear such as gloves, goggles, and a mask to protect yourself from chemicals and fumes.

3. Determine the surface: Different surfaces require different removal methods. Identify the type of surface that has been graffitied, such as concrete, brick, metal, glass, or wood. The method you use may vary depending on the surface material.

4. Test cleaning agents: Before applying any cleaning agent to the surface, test it on a small, inconspicuous area to ensure it doesn't cause damage or discolouration.


5. Clean with appropriate method:

   - Water and detergent: For non-porous surfaces like glass or metal, you can start by using a mild detergent mixed with water. Scrub the graffiti gently with a sponge or soft brush, and rinse thoroughly.

   - Pressure washing: High-pressure water cleaning can be effective on some surfaces like concrete or brick. Use a pressure washer with an appropriate nozzle and follow the manufacturer's instructions.

   - Chemical cleaners: There are graffiti removal products available that are specifically designed to break down paint. These can be effective for various surfaces. Apply the cleaner according to the instructions, and use a brush or sponge to scrub away the graffiti. Rinse the area thoroughly afterward.

   - Paint removal: In some cases, if the graffiti is on a painted surface and the cleaning methods mentioned above don't work, you may need to repaint the area. This approach is more suitable for walls or fences.


6. Repeat if necessary: Depending on the type and thickness of the graffiti, you may need to repeat the cleaning process several times to completely remove it. Be patient and persistent.

7. Prevent future graffiti: Consider applying anti-graffiti coatings or films to the surface. These protective layers can make it easier to remove graffiti in the future.


Remember, certain surfaces or historical structures may require professional restoration or conservation techniques. If you're unsure or dealing with valuable or delicate surfaces, it's best to consult with professionals in graffiti removal or restoration.






꧁ The Elusive Promise ꧂

꧁ The Elusive Promise ꧂


In a world where promises are spun,
Governments declare, their will is done.
Targets set to halt the warming's might,
Yet they dance away, like whispers in the night.

Oh, the grand ambitions they proclaim,
To save our Earth, to douse the flame.
But as the years go by, and seasons change,
Their promises fade, like a distant exchange.

Target dates, they push, and push again,
A dance of politics, a game of pretend.
The urgency of now, it slowly fades,
Lost in the haze of bureaucratic charades.



They speak of hope, of a greener land,
But actions falter, like shifting sand.
The Earth grows weary, burdened by the strain,
While empty promises fall like drops of rain.

The clock keeps ticking, the world keeps warming,
Yet the targets move, forever transforming.
The elusive promise, a mirage in the air,
Leaving us longing, in a state of despair.






Tuesday, 23 April 2024

Helpdesk

Ask a question, get an answer. That's how it's supposed to go...

I emailed Wyre Council's general email address the other day. This lead to a day-long exchange of emails.

ME: I am a carer. I believe we live in a No Cold Calling Zone. We had Virgin Media cold call the other day when it was inconvenient. Please could we have a No Cold Calling sticker for the door?

WYRE COUNCIL: Thank you for your email.  The stickers are available from Trading Standards.

ME: Thank you for your email. How do I contact Trading Standards?

WYRE COUNCIL: 0808 800 9060

I proceeded to call the number but it didn't seem right.

ME: Thank you for the phone number. I wanted "Trading Standards" as advised in your 1st email. 
The number you gave me is for Advice Direct Scotland.

WYRE COUNCIL: Sorry but that is the contact number as per google.

ME: Thank you for using Google to find an incorrect telephone number on my behalf. I was under the impression that Trading Standards were part of Wyre Council. Apparently, not. 
Never mind, I used Google to help me find the correct phone number for trading standards.







Monday, 1 April 2024

My Relationship to Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe in 1953. (2024, March 22). In Wikipedia.

Born Norma Jeane Mortenson on June 1, 1926, in Los Angeles, California, Marilyn Monroe rose to stardom and became an enduring symbol of beauty and glamour. Her childhood was marked by instability, as she faced numerous challenges and spent time in foster care.

Monroe's career began in the late 1940s when she signed a contract with 20th Century-Fox. She quickly garnered attention for her beauty and talent, captivating audiences with her performances in films like "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and "Some Like It Hot." Monroe was a talented actress and also a successful model and singer.

Despite her professional success, Monroe faced personal struggles and experienced tumultuous relationships, including marriages to baseball player Joe DiMaggio and playwright Arthur Miller. Tragically, her life was cut short when she passed away on 5 August 1962, at the age of 36.

Monroe's screen persona and unique blend of vulnerability and sensuality endeared her to audiences worldwide. Her films continue to be celebrated, and she remains an influential and beloved cultural icon.

Marilyn's life and career were characterized by both triumphs and tragedies. Her impact on popular culture is undeniable, and her legacy as one of Hollywood's most iconic stars lives on.



* Just about anyone alive today can claim a relationship to anyone else if they go back far enough. 

Thursday, 21 March 2024

My Relationship to Jane Austen

Someone amazing will turn up in your family tree if you go back far enough.

Today I'm told I am related to Jane Austen, (16 December 1775 – 18 July 1817), the English novelist known primarily for her six novels:
  • Sense and Sensibility (1811), 
  • Pride and Prejudice (1813), 
  • Mansfield Park (1814), 
  • Emma (1816), 
  • Northanger Abbey (1817) published posthumously
  • Persuasion (1817) published posthumously
Another, eventually titled Sanditon, was uncompleted at her death. 

She also left behind three volumes of juvenile writings in manuscript, the short epistolary novel Lady Susan, and the unfinished novel The Watsons. (Wikipedia)

Jane Austen's novels were celebrated in a set of 6 stamps published in 2013.






Saturday, 2 March 2024

Misheard Lyrics

Hold me closer Tony Danza...

count the head-lice on the highway...

Climb every woman, Chaka Khan, I'm every woman.

Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you...

“That’s pee in the corner, that’s pee in the spotlight”

Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll (it should be "Gimme the beat, boys, and free my soul")

I've got...two chickens to paralyze! (I've got two tickets to paradise)

John Travolta sang ‘I have shoes they’re made for tying’ 

'Take off your clothes and come INSIDE!" Cilla Black

Bob Marley - 'I shot the ferret '
     'with the roof rack over our heads' 
    'Hop-a-long soldier, in the heart of America!'

Johnny Nash - I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone

Life in the Batplane!

Simmit in me pants and ting
semi gear heart attack

instead of 'True you see me in m'pants and ting
See me in me 'alter back'

Wham: "Wake me up and pour me Cocoa" 

Dance, dance, wherever you may be..
I am the Lord of the dark settee


Lit up like a douche in the middle of the night
There’s a rooner in the night.
Lit up like a douche, another boner in the night
 revved up like douche, y'know a roamer in the night.
revved up like a douche with a boner in the Nile

Adam and the Ants: "Stand on yer dinner"

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival! And the last known survivor, dunks his bread in the night...

Beatles: She’s got a chicken to ride, she’s got a chicken to RA ha hide
Cheese got a ticket to ride but she don't care

Kenny Rogers: 500 children and a crap in the field. From a fine time to leave me Lucille.
fine time to leave me loose wheel
5 hungry children and crops in the field.
400 children and a crop in the field 
 you picked a fine time to leave me loose heel.

Queen - spare him his wife from his warm sausage tea!!!

Oooh we're half way thereee whoaaa lipstick on a pear

"I guess it rains down in Africa." (should be 'I bless the rains down in Africa')
I bless Lorraine down in Africa

Billy Ocean, "Go and get stuffed"

Phil Collins, " something about Cumming in her hair tonight"

Don't go around tonight
Well it's bound to take your life
There’s a bathroom on the right

Killers: Are we human or are we denser? (should be "Are we human Or are we dancer?")

Police: A year has passed since I broke my nose (wrote my note)

The Jam: E's a right one, E's a right one (Eton Rifles)

Tuesday, 27 February 2024

Cockney Rhyming Slang

London Cockney Rhyming Slang:

Warning: The Language in this section might cause offence. Please do not proceed if you are easily offended.







Cockney Rhyming Slang 3

Slang: Page 3

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O

Odour colon
- an pun on 'eau de cologne'. "Sorry about the smell, it's my odour colon".
offie
- very common term for an off-licence (where they sell alcohol). e.g. "D'you fancy popping dahn the offie for some booze ?".
(do the) off /frank
- to leave, "I'm gonna do the off". To 'do the Frank' isModern Rhyming Slangfor Frank Bough (off), "I'm gonna do the Frank".
off your face
- to be very drunk. e.g.. " Last night I was totally off my face !".
off your trolley / rocker
- a bit mad, crazy.
oily (rag)
- Rhyming Slang for 'fag' (cigarette).
old boy / old chap
- the term 'old boy' can be used for an old man, i.e. "Look at that poor old boy over there", or can be used as a euphemism for the penis.
old fruit
- an affectionate address. Of unknown origin. e.g. "Awright me old fruit, how's it going ?".
one-eye(d)
- the hole at end of penis. Also, 'one-eyed' is used as a prefix to many phrases for the penis, i.e. one-eyed trouser snake etc.
on the game
- to be prostitute.
on the job
- to be involved in sexual activity. i.e. "John's got a smile on 'is face, must 'av been on the job all night".
on your bike !
- an common exclamation for 'go away' or 'you must be joking'.
out of your tree
- crazy, drunk or stoned.

 
P

Paki
- a derogatory term used to describe anyone who looks vaguely Asian.
paki shop
- a slightly racist (but sometimes semi- affectionate) term used to describe a corner shop (always open, often expensive !) often run by Asians.
pan handle
- an erection. From the upward angle of a cooking pan handle. e.g. "I woke up with a real pan handle this morning".
pants !
- A 90's term that seems to be very popular recently. It can be used as an exclamation of frustration (much in the way that 'arse !' is) or to describe something that is bad or rubbish. i.e. "Did you watch the Arsenal match, wasn't it pants ?". Some times prefixed by 'a load of old' or 'complete'.
parky
- chilly (weather). i.e. "It's a bit parky out there".
peanut smuggling
- what a girl is said to be doing when her nipples can been seen through her clothes. e.g. "Look at that girl over there, she's smuggling peanuts !".
pearl necklace
- the common name given to the act of ejaculating on the upper chest and neck of a woman during sex, thus giving the appearance of a pearl necklace (allegedly).
pear- shaped
- when something has 'gone pear-shaped' it has gone wrong. Probably derived from the 'sagging' shape of a pear.
pen and ink
-Rhyming Slangfor stink. Used in it's full form.
Pete Tong
-Modern Rhyming Slang for 'wrong'. A common phrase that can be heard is "It's all gone Pete Tong !".
phat
- general term of approval. From Afro American origin. Possible origins are 'Pussy Hips And Tits' and PHysically ATtractive' when the term was used in reference to a woman. Thanks to Chris Bay.
pictures of the Queen
- paper money. Usually used sarcastically. i.e. "How do you want paying ?", "Pictures of the Queen mate !".
pillow biter
- a homosexual. Comes from the supposed pain caused by anal sex, thus using ones pillow to bite on.
piss-easy
- something that is very easy. i.e. "That exam I had to do was piss-easy".
pissed
- unlike the American version of the word (which means 'annoyed'), this is the most common slang term for being drunk. Other variants are 'pissed-up', 'pissed as arseholes ', 'pissed as a fart ', ' pissed as a newt' etc.
piss-head
- a habitual drinker or drunkard.
piss it up the wall
- to spend money foolishly, usually on drink, drugs or gambling. Also 'spunk it up the wall'. e.g. "I can't believe I got payed last week and I've pissed it all up the wall !".
piss off / pissed off
- telling someone to 'piss off' is a milder version of 'fuck off', to be 'pissed off' is to be annoyed or fed up.
piss-up
- a big drinking session. i.e. "Fancy coming out for a piss-up". Also ' booze-up '.
pissed-up
- to be very drunk.
plank
- an idiot, fool. e.g. "You complete plank !".
plates of meat
- a well knownRhyming Slangterm for 'feet'. Used in both it's short ('plates') and long form.
plonker
- an idiot, fool or a word for penis. Popularized by the UK TV comedy 'Only fools and horses'. i.e. "Rodney you total plonker !", or "You're pulling my plonker".
pocket billiards / pool
- a euphemism for fondling the 'meat and two veg' through the pockets in one's trousers. e.g. "I'm sure that bloke over there is playing pocket billiards".
ponce
- a word with many meanings in the UK. It's original meaning was similar to that of the US 'pimp' but it is used more as a term of general abuse now. If you call someone a ponce you could be indicating that they are very flashy or even a bit camp. The term 'ponce about' ("stop poncing about !") is directed at someone who is aimless or slow especially when the person using the term is impatiently waiting for them. i.e. " Stop poncing about, we've got to be there in 5 minutes !". Another term is 'ponce off' meaning 'to scrounge' and comes from the original usage where a ponce is a pimp earning money from prostitutes. An example would be "Are you gonna ponce off me all night or are you gonna get your ownfags?".
pony
- slang term for £25. An example of this can be heard in the theme tune for 'Only fools and horses' (UK comedy) which says "I put a pony in my pocket...".
pony and trap
-Rhyming Slangfor 'crap'. You could say "I'm going for a pony" (going to the toilet) or that something is 'pony' (no good).
porky pies
-Rhyming Slangfor 'lies'. Mostly shortened to 'porkies'. i.e. "You're tellin' porkiesmate".
posh wank
- there are two meanings for this modern phrase. One is to receive ahand-jobfrom your wife/girlfriend/other. The other is to masturbate with a condom on. e.g. "Time to go home, lads, I've booked a posh wank tonight".
powder your nose
- a euphemism for taking cocaine. e.g. "Where's Dave ?", "He's just nipped off to powder his nose".
pro
- short for prostitute.
propellerhead
- a geek, nerd. Especially used to label someone who is into technology/computing but socially inept.
pukka
- means 'authentic' or 'first-rate'. Originates from the Hindi word 'pakka' meaning 'substantial'. This word was originally used in the Indian colonies.
pump your nads
- something that gets you excited (sexually or otherwise) or that you really like. i.e. "Yeah that really pumps my nads". From the process of ejaculation (where 'nads' is a shortening of gonads).

punter

- the paying public, a customer. e.g. "We really won't know how well the business will go until we start getting the punters in".

 
 
 Q

Queer
- very common term for a gay man.
queer street
- to be in trouble or in a difficult situation is to be 'in queer street'.
quickie
- to quick act of sexual intercourse. Usually spontaneous. Can also be used as a term for having a quick drink.

 
R

Rabbit (rabbit and pork)

-Rhyming Slangfor 'talk'. Used in it's short form. Popularized by the classic(?) Chas & Dave song "Rabbit rabbit(?)". The phrase "You've got more rabbit than Sainsbury's" also comes from the song. Normally applied to someone who talks too much especially a nagging woman.
Radio Rental
-Modern Rhyming Slangfor 'mental' (crazy / angry). Coined from the well known chain of TV hire shops in the UK. e.g. "You wait till Dave sees the state of his car, he'll go Radio Rental !". Thanks to Alex Birkett.
ramped
- drunk. i.e. "We were ramped after that bottle of wine".
(to blow a) raspberry (tart)
- to blow a raspberry comes from theRhyming Slang 'raspberry tart' meaning 'fart'. Always used in it's short form.
raspberry ripple
-Rhyming Slangfor 'nipple' or 'cripple'.
rat-arsed
- drunk. Normally prefixed with 'totally'.
readies
- cash. i.e. "Av you got any readies John, I don't wanna put this on plastic ?".
reefer
- common word for a cannabis 'joint
result
- a successful outcome to something, usually either a sporting event or something at least slightly dodgy. Often prefixed with "a right". i.e. "I see thegooners'ad a right result yesterday !".
rev up !
- an exclamation much the same as 'on your bike' as if to say 'get out', 'you must be joking'.
Richard the Third
-Rhyming Slang for 'turd' (excrement) or 'bird' (girlfriend).
(a) right Charlie
- seeCharlie Ronceandponce.
ring-piece
- relatively common term for the anus. e.g. " That curry I had last night has scorched my ring-piece !".
roger / rogering
- to have sexual intercourse with. e.g. "I gave her a right good rogering !".
ropey
- dodgy, of poor quality, horrible etc. e.g. "Blimey, you should av' seen the ropey oldbirdDave was snogging last night, he must have beenhammered".
Rosie Lee
-Rhyming Slangfor 'tea'. Used mainly in it's full form. i.e. "D'you fancy a cup of Rosie Lee ?".
Ruby (Murray)
-Rhyming Slangfor 'curry'. After the popular singer. i.e. "Are you coming out for a Ruby tonight ?". Used in long and short form.
ruck
- a fight. From the word 'ruckus'. 
rug
- wig, toupee.(do a) runner- leave an area unexpectedly, or the scene of a crime promptly. e.g. "Where that bastard gone ?  I bet he's done a runner !".

 

S

Safe -
good, all is fine. General term used to indicate that everything is o.k.
salt / sort
- the word salt means woman (esp. a 'loose' woman or sexual partner) and has been used since the 19th century. Usually pron. 'sort'. It is used in a slightly derogatory way and is nearly always prefixed by 'some old'. e.g. "Dave wasn't dahn theboozerlast night, must av been out with some old sort he met the other night".
sausage jockey
- a gay man (a man who 'rides' 'sausages').
scarpa / scarper
-Rhyming Slangfor Scapa Flow - to run off / leave quickly.
Scooby-Do
-Modern Rhyming Slangfor 'clue'. e.g. "I 'avn't a Scooby mate".
scrounge
- to beg or sponge off of others.
seeing-to
- to perform sexual intercourse. e.g. "I'd give her a good seeing-to".
see you next Tuesday
- an very rude acronym (C U Next Tuesday). 
Sexton Blake
-Rhyming Slangfor 'fake'.
shafted
- to be treated badly, to be in trouble. e.g. "I'm totally shafted if I don't get that job".
shafting
- sexual intercourse. e.g. "I gave her a good shafting".
shag
- very common mildly rude term for sexual intercourse.
shagged-out
- to feel tired.
shitfaced
- very drunk. Can be abbreviated to 'faced'.
shit for brains
- term of abuse for someone of low wit or intelligence.
shitter
- common term for the anus. Can also be used as a term of frustration - i.e. "That's a real shitter". Also see " Garry Glitter".
shed-load
- a huge amount. e.g. "I've got a shed-load of dodgy stuff for sale".
shell-like
- the ear. e.g. The old phrase " Can I have a word in your shell-like ?".
shell-out
- to have to pay for, usually unexpectedly.
sherbert dab
-Modern Rhyming Slangfor 'cab' (taxi).
sherman (tank)
-Rhyming Slangfor 'wank' (to masturbate). Normally used in it's short form. e.g. "John's been ages in the toilet. Probably gone for a sherman !".
Sir Anthony Blunt
-Rhyming Slangfor 'cunt'. Also see 'berk '.
skin diver
-Modern Rhyming Slangfor 'fiver' (five pound note). Also "deep sea diver".
skint
- to have no money, penniless. Also see ' boracic' and 'potless'.
skirt
- young attractive woman. Often preceded with "a bit of". A common 'lads' term. e.g. "I never realized this was such a good place to eye skirt" or "What you need is a nice bit of skirt to cheer you up".
skunk
- a particularly strong variety of marijuana. named so because of it's strong smell.
slag
- a very common word for a loose woman or generally a rough lookingbird. e.g. "She is a right old slag". Used by men and women. It can also be used amongst men as an insult and can be heard in 70's and 80's police drama's (" Shut it you slaaag !").
slaphead
- a bald per son.
slapper
- a common term for a loose woman.
slash
- a very common slang term for urination. e.g. "I'm dying for a slash".
smeg !
- derived from the word smegma. Can be used as an exclamation or a euphemism for fuck. e.g. "Oh smeg I forgot to post that letter !". This saying was very much popularized by the UK TV series 'Red Dwarf'.
smeghead
- an idiot, dickhead. Popularized (if not actually invented) by the UK TV series 'Red Dwarf'.
snog
- to kiss, usually with tongues. A childish word, mainly used by teenagers ("Cor, Sally got a snog off John after the disco !") or humorously by others ("Fancy a snog luv ?").
solid
- reliable, dependable (a solidgeezer). e.g. "You don't have to worry about Dave, he's a solid bloke". Also another name for cannabis resin.
sort
- seesalt
spanner
- a fool, weak individual. Popular 90's term.
spondulics
- money. Probably from the Greek word 'spondulikos' a type of shell used as an early form of money. Also shortened to 'sponds'. i.e. "Have you any sponds you could loan me ?".
spoof/spuff
- semen.
spliff
- common term for a cannabis cigarette. Originates from the West Indies.
squire
- a general term of address towards a man similar to 'guvnor'.
Steffi (Graff)
-Modern Rhyming Slangfor 'laugh'. ie "You're 'avin a Steffi mate !". (suggested by Chris Donnelly).
stiffy
- an erection. e.g. "I woke up with a real stiffy this morning".
stoke-on-trent
-Rhyming Slangfor 'bent' (homosexual).
stork
- an erection. e.g. "Aw, I've got a right stork on after seeing thatbird".
strike a light
- an old exclamation only really heard as a tong-in-cheek Cockney phrase nowadays. Sometimes preceded by "stroll on".
stuffed
- done in, ripped off, in trouble etc. e.g. "I'll be completely stuffed if my wife finds out".
stuffing
- to perform sexual intercourse (male perspective). e.g. "I gave her a good stuffing".
stunner
- pron. 'stunnah'. A very good lookingbird.
suss
- savvy/know how. eg. "He got a lot of suss"
sussed / sussed out
- can mean found out / discovered, or well adjusted / together.
(badly) sussed
- what someone might say if they catch you out. For example if you disagree with someone on a point and are then proved wrong the other person might say "Badly sussed mate !".
Sweeny Todd
-Rhyming Slangfor The Flying Squad - after the demon barber who turned people into pies. Used as the name for the TV show 'The Sweeny' ("Shut it you slaaag !").
sweet
- slang for 'excellent' or 'cool'.
sweet as a nut
- meaning 'nice', 'simple', 'no problem'.
sweets
- a euphemism for testicles. e.g. " Awww you got me in the sweets !".
syrup of figs
-Rhyming Slangfor for 'wig'. e.g. "See that old bloke over there, is that a syrup he's wearing or what ?".

 

T

Tadger, tadge
- the penis.
tanked (up)
- to get very drunk .
taters
-Rhyming Slang for 'potatoes in the mould' meaning cold. The word taters is an abbreviation of potatoes.
tea leaf
-Rhyming Slangfor thief.
that old chestnut
- seechestnut
thrupenny bits
-Rhyming Slangfor 'tits'. Often abbreviated to "froops".
tin bath
-Rhyming Slangfor 'laugh'.
tits-up
- all gone wrong. Vulgar version of 'belly- up'.
(on your) Todd
- short for Todd Sloane,Rhyming Slangfor 'own'. After the famous jockey. e.g. "There's you lot having a wild time and I'm left here all on me' Todd".
tom
- an overly assertive, aggressive or masculine 'street walker' (prostitute). The term goes back many years and may be related to a 'tom-cat'. Often heard in UK TV police drama's.
tomtit
-Rhyming Slangfor 'shit'. e.g. "Just nipping out for a tomtit".
tool
- the penis, a foolish person.
tooled-up
- to arm oneself, usually with improvised weapons like bottles or sticks. e.g. "There was a rightruck dahn the pub last night and then theseheadcasesgot tooled-up !".
tooled
- a euphemism for drunk.
top !
- brilliant, excellent. A 90's term.
trainspotter
- a socially inept young male who records useless information about trains such as number and type. The 'classic' trainspotter will have a spiral bound notebook, thermos flask, unfashionable shoulder bag and ananorak. Used as a term of abuse much like 'geek' or 'spod'. Also used to describe someone who hangs around a DJ watching him mix.
trashed
- common term for getting very drunk. e.g. "We got completely trashed last night".
trog
- common word for an ugly girl.
(the) trots
- diarrhoea. named because of the frequent trip to the khazi if you have this condition.
trouble and strife
-Rhyming Slangfor 'wife'.
trouser action
- a euphemism for sexual activity.
turn it in
- 'calm down', 'stop that', 'leave it out'.
turtles/tortoise head
- to have the tortoise/turtles head is to need to defecate urgently, i.e. like a turtles head poking out ! e.g. "Quick, quick, I've got the turtles head !".
tyre kicker
- a time waster. From the pointless act of kicking tyres when looking round a second-hand car.


U  

Up for it
- to be willing to have a good time. Also for a woman to be sexually available.
Uncle Tom Cobley and all
- a phrase meaning 'everyone'. Can be used sarcastically as in "I bloody turned up to find Uncle Tom Cobley and all there !". From the song 'Widecombe Fair'.

 

V 

Vinegar stroke
- the assumed last thrust of intercourse or hand stroke (of masturbation) when ejaculation occurs. I have now heard a few meanings. The two most likely are (1) Ejaculation likened to vinegar spraying from a shaken bottle and (2) the face one makes when tasting vinegar is akin to that pulled when orgasming (thanks to Omar).

 

W 

Wank
- to masturbate. e.g. "I was dying for a wank". Can also be used as a negative retort "Oh wank!" and more recently to describe a something considered useless etc. e.g. "I hate the Spice Girls, they're a load of old wank!".
wanker
- an old English word that is a very common term of abuse. A wanker is an idiot or an unpleasant person. From 19th century Yorkshire dialect meaning 'idiot'.
wank mag
- pornographic magazine
wank off
- to masturbate
wank on
- to bore, talk endlessly. e.g. "Oh for god sake, you really wank on don't you !".
wank stain
- general term of abuse.
wankered
- a modern term meaning 'very drunk'.
wazz
- to urinate. e.g. "I'm just off for a wazz".
weasel and stoat
-Rhyming Slangfor coat.
wedge
- money. From the appearance of a number of folded notes. Examples of it's use are - "I got paid a fair old wedge for doin' that job" or "Are you wedged-up and ready to go ?".
wedgie
- a spot of tomfoolery often engaged in by drunken lads where the victim is lifted by his underpant elastic thus pulling the gusset into the bum crack (very painful !).
weed
- common name for cannabis leaf.
well ard/hard
- someone or something that is very tough or can be used as an exclamation of appreciation.
well I go to the foot of my stairs !
- an archaic exclamation of surprise.
well up for it
- to be very interested in something. e.g. "If you want to go out Saturday night I'm well up for it !".
what's that got to do with the price of eggs ?
- a reply given when someone has made an irrelevant statement in regards to the currently discussed subject.
whirly
- the unpleasant spinning feeling one get's when very drunk. e.g. "I was sooff my face| last night that I started to get a bit whirly". Suggested by R. Bailey.
whistle and flute
-Rhyming Slangfor suit. e.g. "Be sure to wear a whistle if your coming to the wedding".
wicked
- excellent, cool. A phrase that has become somewhat over used. From US black origin. Has been replace by 'bad' and 'phat'.
window licker
- a name for the sort of  'nutter' who sits next to you on the bus and does something weird. Have heard this one from a number of people but Lee Austin sent me a 'survey form' with it on so he gets the credit.
wind up
- to tease, to perform a prank. e.g. "You must have seen from a mile away it was a wind up ?".
wind-up merchant
- someone who specializes in teasing.
winner
- something that is a potential success.
wonga
- money. From the Romany word for coal, 'wanger'. i.e. "I've got loads'a wonga since I got that pay rise.".


 
  X

Y

Yob
- a horrible or uncouth young man. FromBackslangfor 'boy'.

 

Z 

zeds
- sleep. e.g. "I really must get some zeds before we go out tonight".
zeig heils-
Rhyming Slangfor piles.

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